Woke up and checked if there was an email from G. I wonder how long it will take me to stop doing this first thing in the morning? There wasn't anything at 5:30 but I did get a quick thank you for the photo I'd sent her at about 7:30. I'm guessing from that that she must have been at work today and only read my messages when she got home. Of course, now I'm wondering whether she'll respond to my 'last' message. Let's face it, she always has to have the last word!
I'm feeling all sorts of emotions. Sadness, obviously, that this is the start of a long period of non-communication. Worry - I know that, for me, absence will make the heart grow stronger but will it work its magic on G? Hope. Since our last conversation, I'm feeling stronger because I'm fairly sure that she was missing me for just those few days that we were apart and that she needs time to decide whether that means she still loves me or not. What I mustn't do is try and see this purely from my side. I have to accept that this is what she needs and respect her wishes that she be left alone. Of course I'm hoping that she will realise well before Christmas that she's still in love with me but, even if she does, I have to accept that she might want to give it all of that time to really test her feelings. In the mean time, I have to get my life back on track. I'm going to:
1. Get fit. No excuses, I just have to go for it and start running regularly again.
2. Get more work. Again, I have to be more proactive and get old customers to sign up to my maintenance plan.
3. Crack on with the Family Tree to help keep me focussed on something other than G. It must be after I've done my other work though!
4. Think about whether I really want to invite somebody else into my life. There are two reasons for doing so. G wants me to have someone else with whom I can compare her and, what if it doesn't work out? I have to say that, this minute, I'm not interested however understanding and compassionate V sounded. Let's not forget, she could be another loonie!
OK, enough for now. I need to get dressed and take that lawn mower to pieces and see if I can't fix it.
